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Both Grandparents Disappeared!
My Grandmother Mimi and my grandfather Alfred, who were both a large part of my life for thirty and forty years respectively, or so I thought, have proven to be a figment of the imagination of quite a...
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Bedtime Prayer!
Lord, I want a lot, a whole lotta cocoa, to dump in the Milky Way, Lord! Could you stir it, Lord? Please… And a very long straw, one that reaches till my bed, Lord, so as I can slurp and slurp and burp...
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Today Is Animal Day!
Hurray! Hurrah, here’s my chance to ask you all to please remember my dear departed relative, Mister Blobby Burcke (picture included!). As the last remaining specimen of this elusive species Blobulus...
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When do Women Throw the Switch?
Would it surprise you, if I told you that, in the several decades that I have roamed the Earth, I known quite a number of people and that among those people, there were a significant number of women?...
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Correction Needed!
Dear readers, What I have long feared has come to pass! We who take the internet as scripture, must guard against it being inaccurate. Anything written down in these hallowed halls should be set in...
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Virtual Conquest of the World…
Ralphie’s Portal’s virtual conquest of the planet is gathering speed, I’m happy to say. Never fear, I shall be a benign Lord! One of the three inhabitants of Greenland, Mister Yugglefrugly, has seen...
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Malicious Slander About Mount Saint Upid.
My place of birth, my abode, my pride and joy has fallen victim to malicious slander. I intend to Sue and cousins Ann and Mary also. Legions of my forebears have been raised on this lovely mountain...
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Kalopsia is a Lie!
From Word Porn: I disagree with this very notion! How can this be, when beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Probably another case of conforming to the norm. I piss on the norm! (Sorry, Norm…no...
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Help! I Think I Have no Social Identity!
After viewing the below video, I realised that I am missing something vital, of great import in society: a Christmas jumper! Does this mean that I have no social identity? Could I wear a tag to make up...
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Gandalf is a Fecktard! :-\
From Spirit of Old: Ralphie: “I’ll be fifty-two next June and the bastard still hasn’t been!” Filed under: Zany Thingies! Tagged: Gandalf is a Fecktard! :-\
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Introducing the Dialectic Sylloschism Club.
Syllochism: a seductive form of reasoning, consisting of a major promise and a minor trifling one, which ends up getting you sod all. Also leads to a general feeling of confusion on the part of the...
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Technically…
my feet are at odds! From Ralphie. Filed under: Zany Thingies! Tagged: Technically...
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Nature is a Bitch!
From Ralphie: I woke up this morning after a wonderful night and paid my dues to Mother Nature, as per our arrangement. First her and then everybody else. I had been warned about such things by my dear...
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This Zen Thing!
From Ralphie: “I’ve been putting a lot of thought into this Zen thing and I keep coming up with zip!” Filed under: Zany Thingies! Tagged: This Zen Thing!
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Ralphie’s Shortcut!
I came from visiting my Mom in the retirement home Sunday, when the bus stopped in a for me unfamiliar place, as it is being rerouted because of roadworks. I thought I knew more or less where I was and...
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The French Mode of Public Transportation, Or the Lack Thereof.
I really thought it time to call the pillocks-in-charge over at the Ligne d’Azur, the public transport net in Nice, about their exercise plan for obese and non-obese would-be (pfff, yeah right!)...
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My First Amazon Experience!
By Ralphie A Burcke: Being an intrepid internaut, I took it upon myself to order the novel Skallagrigg by Whatshisface, from Amazon, so that my lovely wife could read it and hopefully enjoy it as much...
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My Great Big Hunting Dog…
As I was taking my pooch for a walk this morning, I remarked to myself that he seemed to be getting entirely too blimpy for his own good and decided to let him off the lead (we were in the woods) and...
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Living in the Moment.
Today I wanted to live in the moment. The first one was ok, the second one was better, the third one stank, as moments go. I tried to get back to the second one, but it was gone and then I got lost, so...
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More Zaniness.
Today’s popular tunes are like elevator music raised to a high fart. Today’s music is sublime in its moment of discontinuance. Just saw a video about a ‘sexy car’. Does one drive that wearing a condom?...
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